You look like so many adjectives.

Here’s the deal:

I want to quit my job so badly, even if I still haven’t found another job to keep steady the flow of income. My mom doesn’t agree with me on this and she threatens me that she won’t help pay for my tuition. (Yes, I am planning to take Masters in Marketing.) She says I’m lazy and that I lack the endurance she has. And although I completely know that I’m being childish for whining and complaining, is it really worth not feeling happy for fear of the repercussions when I finally make the decision to quit? So what if I don’t find a job in the next two weeks and be a bum for a while? Those are the risks I’m willing to take as an adult who has made a decision and is willing to firmly stand by it. Does that sound incredulous?

How come I get the feeling that, in a way, I will do myself a favor by quitting, that I will get the chance to realign myself and my priorities. That quitting is exactly, maybe, what I need to do to push me to the direction I want to go. I see it as a chance for me to reboot. Leaving isn’t always about giving up, it could also be about starting over and wanting something better, right?

I know the people I’ve shared to about this are telling me to persevere and hey, I’ve been telling myself to suck it up too. For a year and several months now. I’ve been miserable for that long. So how much longer can I actually suck it up? I seriously, seriously, want to give up ‘suck it up’ and just say ‘to hell with it!’ I’m not saying I’ll be a bum and watch TV all day long until I find a job I like. I’m not saying I’ll beg for money from my parents either. I will go out there and make shit happen.

I’m just annoyed, and especially worried, that people think this is a dangerous step for me to take. To quit without having a replacement job. Why? Am I that incompetent to never ever get a good job? It’s making me doubt myself too. Which is why I think I’ve been putting off handing over that resignation letter. What if I’m not qualified for something good? But I refuse to believe in that negative shit. Because Someone taught me better. That someone wants me to love my struggles and trust that they will make me strong and emerge a survivor. Maybe he trusts that I’m a creative creature and I’ll figure my way out around this mess until the next mess comes around.

So why do people (or I) think I’ll be making a wrong decision if I choose to quit and be happy? Earning money is not everything. My mom might make it the star of every story, but it’s not. And I refuse to let it dictate how I feel about myself. Money cannot sum you up. At least not until you start earning millions, maybe. Just kidding.

So what do you think? Should I listen to what everybody is saying and stick to my boring job? Should I take those opinions as warning signs? Or should I just follow my heart and trust that whatever I decide, God will be there for me and I will be okay?

*As for the title, I just thought it fitting to remind myself to be brave in whatever I plan to do.