American culture says, fall in love, let it ravish you and anything short of that hurricane isn’t love. Our culture shouts for us to make the plunge into the deep end. Perhaps that works for some couples—the 50 percent who don’t divorce. Most of our knowledge of love comes from the movie screen, a man and a woman with magnetic attraction to each other that consumes their thoughts and actions and lusts. My love toward my wife didn’t feel like that when we dated, and it created confusion inside of me over my intentions toward her. I wondered if this lack of Hollywood intensity meant I didn’t love her, but the more I thought and read about love, and looked at couples who had endured life together—marriages that go a lifetime—I understood love to be both an emotion and a decision.
Many of us are waiting to be blindsided by a tsunami of love, when maybe we should just wade in for a sweet swim. What I’m trying to say is we should marry a friend. Romance may birth a friendship, and that’s OK, but we better make sure we marry the person we like to talk to, because marriage isn’t an unending series of orgasms. Marriage is an unending series of conversations.